Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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