Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
