If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
