Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
