he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
