I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
