well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
