hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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