what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
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Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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