One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
