We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
