do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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