out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
