found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i dont even know how to be here
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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