Old men and throwing up are my life now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
