I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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