I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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