THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This toilet bowl is my home.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
