I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
