Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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