nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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