Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
