OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
