I hate all girls vehemently.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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