Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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