I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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