what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
