So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
