yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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