I'm jealous of your bromance
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
