can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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