Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
