You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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