ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
