I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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