i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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