the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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