I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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