your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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