she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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