it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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