well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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