Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
