I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
