i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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