Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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