Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
