so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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