Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
