im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
