There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
