man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I die, sorry about rent.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
