tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
As shirtless as possible
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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