Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?