Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.