i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol