I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.