i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
