Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
