just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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