you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
