her vagine was all disorganized.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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