I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
