Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
